Old or young we can fall in love and settle down to spend time living together to build an intimate, loving relationship. Then one day we realise we’ve become confused about what we want from our relationship and where it’s going. We worry that the passion is dying and love and respect has transformed into acting out by sulking, blaming, hurt and quarrels etc. Often we feel the other person has stopped listening to us and can’t ‘see’ us. There’s a power struggle for control and safety to get our needs met.
I believe couples counselling can help you stand back and take a fresh look at your relationship. It’s an opportunity to see each other (and yourself) afresh, enabling new perspectives around your differences, needs, hopes and fears.
As in the picture opposite we try our best to adapt to each others’ needs but in the process can bend ourselves out of shape. The fact is that we can’t change other people, although we desperately want to.
I believe the first step is to look at our own ‘stuff’ – baggage, schema’s, narratives etc. Some of this stuff can be difficult to see or we swerve looking at it. However, both partners can be greatly helped from stuck patterns when we begin to gain insight about our own part in the couple dynamic. We can then maybe stand back more easily and let go of blaming ourselves or the other person. I would go so far as to say that resolving difficulty in the crucible of our relationship is an amazing opportunity to grow as a person and find yourself.
Working through this can help you learn much about what you really want, need and deserve in a relationship.
For more information about relationship and sexual therapy I suggest you go to the COSRT website.